Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Journals.

I love to write. Most of my writings are contained within the pages of various journals I’ve collected throughout the years. Some of my writings are saved in Word documents, or in the Note app on my phone, or on random pieces of paper throughout the house. I am so disorganized when it comes to keeping track of my thoughts. When something hits me as noteworthy, I just grab the nearest journal, piece of paper, or electronic device to get it outta my head before it flies away, never to be seen again.

I’ve got one particular journal that I’ve grown very fond of. It’s the perfect size and the line spacings are just right. It’s got a pretty pattern on the leather (well, fake leather) cover. But beyond its specs, I am fond of it because it tells a story of a girl desperate to know her God in Heaven better.

Well, it technically starts off as a place where I was jotting down my ideas for a project, of sorts, that I wanted to do and the book I wanted to write once the experiment was finished… but then I officially turned it into a prayer journal on February 17, 2013. It is beyond-words-amazing to go back and read the things that were going on in my life, mind, and heart poured out onto the pages, and seeing now how God answered those prayers in the most perfect ways. I love reading through the pages and seeing how He honored my seeking. I’ve found the words in Jeremiah 29:13 to be incredibly true when God says, “If you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me.” (NLT)

This journal has a lot of date gaps in it, and it’s in seeing those gaps that I kick myself for not being more organized in keeping all of my writings in one place. I would have to rip apart and re-glue all of the journals on my shelf to get my writings in proper chronological order and get a better picture of the story unfolding as my days keep coming and going with the sun.

I thought the first entry in this journal was February 17, 2013. But when I got to the last page, I found an entry dated February 15, 2013. Apparently I needed to write and this journal was the closest thing to me, but I didn’t want to write this entry in the middle of my project/experiment/book planning so I flipped to the last page of it. Though most of my journal entries will remain private (at least until my death, then when I am gone I assume my family will want to read through the pages), I do know I will share some of them with you on here. This first entry, that is ironically positioned as the last entry of this completed journal, is one I feel compelled to share:

“When I feel inadequate

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

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