Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Journals (continued).

“When I feel inadequate and like a failure… I must be careful to not equate that to mean that God sees me as an inadequate failure.

I’m so tired of living my life all too aware of my shortcomings and my sins, and my inability to keep my promise that I will be a better Christian tomorrow.

I’m a powerful force against the kingdom of darkness. The enemy knows this, and has thrown tactics straight from hell at me my whole life to try to keep me away from the woman God created me to be. But God saw beyond the trials. He knew He could turn the tables and cause ALL THINGS to work together for GOOD!

I see what the enemy has done to me – he has deceived me. He has tempted me to belittle and underestimate the power of prayer (especially when praying with my husband) and the power of knowing the Word of God.

Game on. I’m done being spiritually anorexic.”

Since writing the above words in my journal over 2 years ago, I wish I could say that I underwent an overnight radical transformation, that feelings of failure and inadequacy got shot down and were never permitted to take root within me. That I became a “better Christian”. But I am glad I can’t say that, because maybe you can relate. And if you can, then I can tell you in all sincerity and truthfulness that this walk, this life of dying to self to live in Christ, is hard. There have been days I’ve wrestled with God in frustration, anger, despair, confusion… And in just as much transparency I can encourage you with the truth: We were made to do “hard”- and not only to survive it, but to OVERCOME.  And we never, ever, ever are meant to fight alone. He is with us, always and forever, empowering, encouraging, equipping, and strengthening us every step of the way.

“The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know Your Name trust in You, for You, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for You.” – Psalm 9:9-10

“I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.” – Psalm 16:7-8

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

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