Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Brief.

A shadow, a wind…

The lifespan of a flower (not very long under my care) or a blade of grass…

The time it takes for a swift runner to finish a race…

A vapor, a breath.

These are ways our lives are described in the living Word of God, and sometimes I can agree wholeheartedly with the scriptures that hold these descriptions. When I think back at my whole life up to this point, it seems to have all come and gone in the blink of an eye. Yet there were days I remember literally watching the second hand on a clock continue to tick despite my circumstances, and I just had to tell myself to keep breathing in and out, and those moments of stress or heartache or worry would be over before I knew it – a distant memory.

I heard so many kind women tell me something like, “Enjoy every moment, they grow up so fast” when my youngest was a baby that I got sick of it. It takes a lot to annoy me, and the continual influx of that sentiment was able to get to me. I did my best to smile and reply nicely, but what I wanted to do is ask them to come tell me that at 4 a.m. when I am up for the 4th time feeding her and I am so tired that I just want to cry or scream or both.

But at the same time, I knew they were right. The weeks and months of her time in my arms leading up to those comments really had flown by despite the sleepless nights, and I tried so hard to soak up every little detail about her precious little face and hands and feet that just kept changing without regard to how I felt about that. Now here she is, 7 1/2 years old, and my husband and I are constantly marveling at how quickly she has grown. She promised him at 3 years old that she wouldn’t grow up, and in a sense she won’t because even at 30 we will see her as our baby. We also have an amazing 17 year old, and although we did not get the pleasure of raising her until she was already 16, we soak up every moment with her. Because here she is, already 17, and already one year of being with us has come and gone so quickly that we’re left bewildered. This life really is brief.

This life, so beautiful and so hard. So full of joy and pain. So gloriously messy and so mysterious. Each day is a gift, and we do well to treat it as just that. And every day I do not spend for the glory of my God is a day wasted, one I can never get back. This truth needs to ignite a holy fear in us sometimes. Because whether or not we choose to follow Him tomorrow, the reality is that when tomorrow is over at the stroke of midnight, we are all one day closer to meeting Him face to face. Every single one of us, no matter how much we don’t want to admit it. Each one of us, no matter if we live one more week, month, year, decade, or to be 110… another day closer. Is this exciting to ponder? It can be, and it is – when we live out our purpose of knowing and loving Him first and most.

I propose to you two bold scriptures to pray concerning this, if you desire in the least bit to stop living for this life and start living with your eyes set on eternity. They are scary to pray, because my sinful nature likes to try to deceive me into believing this life of mine will never end, or at least not until I’m really old. But the truth is,  God’s Word calls such a mindset arrogance, and He lovingly but firmly points out that we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

“Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.” – Psalm 90:12

“Lord remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered–how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to You; at best, each of us is but a breath. (Selah: stop and ponder)” – Psalm 39:4-5

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

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