Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Fog.

Well, I didn’t muse last night. Broke my streak.

Yesterday was very stressful for me for a few different reasons, and I felt so overwhelmed by the end of the night that I just wanted to cry. I hate moments like that because it makes me feel like circumstances are able to shake my faith. Not that I would ever abandon Jesus, for He is my everything; but I have a hard time seeing Him when standing in the middle of the thick fog that difficult circumstances can cloud my vision with.

I knew I had nothing I wanted to write and share at that point. I thought earlier in the day I would definitely write about the message at church, because it was a really good one and it’s definitely a message that needs to be shared. But I felt like I would not be being true to myself if I did that when I was feeling so very stressed out. The last thing I ever want to do is put on a front and be fake in my writings. I do believe wholeheartedly in the message I want to share with you; but I couldn’t drop the heaviness to focus on doing that.

As I finally decided to go to bed with a long checklist of things yet to be done, I didn’t feel like praying. Yet I know from past experiences that when I don’t feel like praying is exactly the times I need to the most. Because if I don’t, stressful situations will pull me away from God instead of drawing me nearer to Him- and the truth is, God allows situations into our lives to grow us and to make us more like Him. Look at Jesus’ life and death in the first 4 books of the New Testament and you will see this to be true. You’d think the Son of God, if anyone, was deserving of an easy earthly life. And, being fully God yet fully human, He certainly had the power to take the comfortable road if He desired. But He didn’t desire that; He wanted to experience every possible painful situation so that we would know He loves us and He can relate. Have you been betrayed? One of His closest friends turned Him over to be killed on the very same night Jesus washed his feet and shared a meal with him. Have you ever felt alone or abandoned? Nearly every single one of His followers abandoned Him in His darkest hours – so many, from the thousands that He miraculously fed with only a few loaves and a couple fish, to His disciples that could not imagine ever abandoning Him just hours prior to the time they did.

There’s so much more I could say about His life, but I am running low on time. Go read about how He lived, how He chose a low life instead of being an earthly King lavished with luxury. He did that for you and for me.

I prayed to my God from an honest and stressed out heart. My words were few and seemed very weak. But He heard my whispered prayer for help, and kept His promise to come to my rescue when I cry out for help. He proved to me the “cry” can be an inward whisper and He still hears it. I woke up today with… (to be continued tomorrow)

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

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