Journal the Journey

My precious Mom is the reason I am sitting at my kitchen table at 1 a.m. musing instead of sleeping like the rest of the household, and I am thankful for this truth. There’s no possible way I can rightly honor her in just fifteen minutes so I am not going to attempt such a feat on a night I am so exhausted…. but my thoughts are on her as I try to reawaken this slumbering blog of mine, the timer counting down on my phone beside me. 

“How’s my Mommy?” I asked in a text late Tuesday afternoon. “She’s feeling really sad because she so enjoyed your 15 minute musings and you haven’t written one since May 26,” her response was. After awwwing and expressing my shock that it’s really been that long, I told her I would muse last night and dedicate it to her. 

Then I didn’t muse last night. I asked her forgiveness for not keeping my word, and she forgave me. I told her I would try to muse tonight but would not make the same mistake from last night and say it was a definite. 

It may seem silly to some that I sought her forgiveness over not blogging, but lately God has been working in me about being a woman of my word. Words are tossed around so very carelessly, especially in this technological age we are living in where often we will write, post, and text things that we wouldn’t say in person to others. It’s easy for us to forget that we will have to give an account for the careless words we produce – whether with our mouths or our fingertips – when we stand before Him when this earthly time is done. God has brought me so far, answering my prayer when I ask His Spirit that lives in me to stand as a guard at the doorway of my mouth and not let me speak things that are wrong and grieve Him. Don’t get me wrong, I am not claiming perfection in this area, and I will be the first to admit I still have a long way to go… but He is sanctifying me and I can tell. Now that I am speaking more thoughtfully and carefully most days, He has directed my attention to the fact that my good intentions often lead me to say things that I don’t end up doing. And this may seem harmless, but I am making myself look unreliable and like a liar when this happens more often than I’d like to admit. 

I told Mom I would text her when I posted. So I am going to do that now, and head to bed. Parting thoughts: 

His grace is sufficient for us in all things big and small, because His power is made perfect in our weaknesses, Paul tells us in the book of Romans. He saw that as the perfect reason to boast all the more gladly in his weaknesses, so I will too. I thank God for new mercies every morning. I thank Him that He loves me at my worst, and it’s not by any action on my part that I am in good standing with Him. Thank You Jesus for loving me so perfectly. In Your grace I find freedom to fail, and then the strength to get back up and try again.