Journal the Journey

I can’t believe this year is almost over. Thanksgiving is only four Thursdays away, and Christmas only nine Sundays. There’s something about seeing a new year peeking its head around the corner right in front of me – less than ten weeks away – that makes me reflect on where I am right now. My only resolution this year was to be more like Christ by the end of it than I was at the beginning by means of loving Him most and loving others. All other resolutions I’ve had over the years have blown away with the wind; meaningless, holding no eternal weight and value. And by that I do not mean that setting goals for ourselves is a bad thing… I am only saying that spiritual and relationship goals must exceed any others, for they impact us into forever. Plus, I know myself well enough to know that all goals I set will not be met if I don’t let Him transform me on the inside, for my actions are an outward fruit of the condition of my heart. I can’t say no to junk foods and yes to the gym long-term if I am not seeking to have my desires for what tastes good and what’s easy killed and replaced by what’s best for me and what’s hard. By putting God first and letting Him be the killer of wrong desires, I am also choosing to have Him empower me as I do my part to enjoy the fullness and satisfaction of the fruit that comes from good, God-breathed desires. 

This blog was one way I intended to grow in love for God and others so that I may be more like Christ. It was a God-breathed desire from the One who has called me to write. But I didn’t do my part. I didn’t sit in front of the empty blog post faithfully and write as He led. He had filled me with all power and desire, but pride caused me to not tap into those good gifts. I hate labeling it as pride; I would rather label it as being “too busy” managing this life and these constant demands that come with it. I would even prefer to label it as low self-esteem instead of pride. But one thing I’ve learned this year is that pride is so deceitful and so conniving that it can easily be labeled a number of different things that don’t sound as evil to the Christian ear. What even appears as humility can be pride in disguise, I’ve learned… Because pride is not only thinking too much of yourself; it is also thinking too less of your worth. Both of these views of ourselves are dishonoring to God. This is why we need God to teach us our worth (and others’), so that we don’t find ourselves with a prideful view of ourselves (and those around us). 

Like many things I set out to do, my intentions were good but my reality fell so very short. I wanted to use fifteen minutes a day to think on the things God shows me during my quiet moments alone with Him, and I wanted to share those things as encouragement, and sometimes possibly enlightenment and edification, to you. I wanted to be real and honest and vulnerable, and I wanted this to be a space my kids (and even grandkids) can come to down the road in order to get glimpses of their mother’s spiritual life. 

I still want these things. 

So, I am choosing today to tap into God’s excellent gift of writing, as well as the gifts of desire and power to do so. And instead of trying to put parameters on what I write about here and how long I have to write it, I’m going to give myself the freedom to write as little or as much as I want about anything from scripture to fitness to food to marriage and motherhood. I hope I can be a blessing to you through this blog! Thanks for stopping by.