Journal the Journey

My last “Perfectionism” post weighed so heavily on my heart after posting it that I had to go ahead and follow up on it. My fifteen minute rule is totally shattered for tonight, and that’s ok.

“Even if I mess up, it’s ok because this is just for fun.” My eyes shifted from my paper tiger coloring to the sweet child of mine with baby cheeks and new big girl bangs as she said these words.

“Of course it’s ok if you mess up! Even if it wasn’t just for fun, it would still be ok if you messed up. Messing up is how we get better.”

Immediately, even before my last sentence left my mouth, I felt the Holy Spirit prick my heart like He so faithfully will do when I need to open my very own heart to truth. It’s as if the words echoed in my spirit. “Messing up is how we get better. Desiree, messing up is how you get better.”

Messing up makes you better? This goes against most of the world’s logic, a world that idolizes those who are made famous by their great strengths and talents. How does messing up make us better? I asked God to please let me know how this is true. I knew it to be true, but why?

In James 1:5, we are promised that our generous God will give us wisdom when we ask for it, and He will not rebuke us for asking. It reminds me of the popular teacher quote that the only dumb question is the one not asked, for there are no dumb questions when one is truly seeking to learn. As He always does when I come to Him for wisdom, He responded.

“Messing up makes you better because it keeps you humble.” Pride is the greatest foe to the human heart; so deadly is it that it is the reason that the devil was cast out of Heaven. When we by our own examination of ourselves have determined that we have no room for growth, we are embracing self-righteousness. And when we determine we must continually work at something until it is perfect according to our standards, we are seeking self-righteousness. We are looking to ourselves to feel accomplished and acceptable, instead of looking to the very One who accepted, chose, and loved us even at our very worst (read Romans 5:8).

I think I’ve mused about it, but God has been working on me to believe wholeheartedly that in my weaknesses He is strong. He had to also point this out to the apostle Paul, and Paul embraced it so wholeheartedly that he decided he would boast in his weakness! How hungry are we to see such transparency in other believers? To stop turning our inner messy walks of faith into an outer neat, comfortable religion? I am hungry for such humility, because without it we are not allowing God to have His full work in us. His strength is restrained when we decide we can handle something in our own strength, and this doesn’t speak of Him as weak but rather us as prideful. He is not One to force His way on one living in pride, so He instead waits patiently and provides us with opportunity after gracious opportunity to lay down the pride and experience humility… blessed, life-changing humility.

I had been working so neatly on my tiger. I drew it intricately out, and fought with everything within me the urge to Google images of cartoon tigers to copy from. But after our conversation about messing up, I wanted to prove to my ElleBelle that messing up is ok. So as she watched me intently, I began cutting out my tiger. When I got to its head, I continued to cut along the bottom of its head where the neck joined it – yes, I beheaded my cute tiger – and did my best to pretend I didn’t mean to. She tried to stop me before the damage was done with, “No, no Momma, don’t cut there!” and her eyes searched my face to see how I was going to respond to my mistake. “Oh no, what should I do?” I asked, trying to sound concerned. She gave me a nervous smile and as her eyes went from my face to the papers in front of me she said, “It’s ok, you can just start over and draw a new head.” And that’s exactly what I would’ve done at her age, or in high school. And as much as I hate to admit it, it may be exactly what I would’ve done even just a month ago.

Behead your tiger. What is it in your life demanding perfection, choking out the beauty all around you and the God-righteousness in you because it is demanding you not find soul rest until you’ve accomplished it? Is it a spotless house? A movie star body? Perfect grades? Lots of friends? A promotion? More money? What is it for you? I ask God to show you now, if you do not know. Choosing to accept imperfection doesn’t make you lazy, careless, stupid, defeated, untalented, or any other accusatory lie satan will throw at you when you decide to relinquish perfection. No. It simply makes you just like everyone else around you: hopelessly flawed and desperately in need of fixing our gaze on the One who isn’t.

Humility doesn’t look like beating yourself up or downplaying your strengths. It looks a whole lot like this: Admitting your weaknesses to Him, and confessing your need for Him to teach you and be your everything in all things. He wants to trade you burden for burden: You lay your heavy burden down to Him and He yokes you to Him. And what that yoke does not do is press down heavy on you like the burden you were shouldering alone. It does not demand more from you. It does not require perfection. It only requires humility. What it does is offers rest, because you are yoked to the only One who is perfect in every way. He invited us to learn from Him and tells us that He is gentle and lowly of heart. He so strongly desires for us to trust Him, not just with our eternal future but with our moment-by-moment weaknesses right now, great and small. And in those daily moments of admitting our need and surrendering our pride, we are overwhelmed by love and comfort instead of condemnation and weariness. We find rest for our souls, a holy and secure rest that satisfies perfectly beyond any other rest can. And in those daily moments, we truly realize that Paul wasn’t lying. In our weakness, HE IS STRONG.

“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30