Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Worthless. 

I had a thought today… no, a truth that resonated within me to my very bones: 

“You’re not worthless.” 

Never. No matter how hard I fall, no matter how short of perfect I am at any given moment, never ever ever can I utter in truthfulness that I am worthless. 

The background story: I’ve struggled with feelings of worthlessness on and off most my life. I don’t know why God decide to surprise me with this truth so suddenly and unexpectedly today, as I was just going about my day. Perhaps it is because I was beating myself up and feeling very discouraged the moments leading up to His intervention. I’ve been sick the past few days and my girls are out of school, and this combination has left me struggling to find meaningful alone time with my number one Love. I felt confused and aching to be in His presence. On top of that, I have things I need to get done. I have a few days off work as the sweet family I work for is out of town for vacation and I had planned out what to do each day. Then the very day they left, I got sick. And here I am, days later and still sick, failing yet again at reaching my short-term goals as a result. 

The truth about my worth was first preceded by the glaring fact that My off days are not going as planned, and satan was trying to tell me that I am pretty much worthless for it. He tries to convince us of all sorts of lies as children of God, heirs with Christ in a kingdom coming that he has no authority or place in. And as I thought of that, I heard that truth boom: YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. So if you ever have such feelings, know they are a direct attack from satan. 

And to counter the attacks, I have truth in His Words AND His actions. I know that there is not a single thing I can do or not do, nor is there a single lie from satan, that will ever separate me from His love (Romans 8). I see His nail-scarred hands, resting on the throne to the right hand of Abba Father’s throne. And I know I am worth more than I can fathom. I am worth dying for, and conquering death for. I am worth it all, says my Creator and King. So I say to Him in response: You are worth it all. I surrender my life to You, for only You are worthy of my whole heart. I love You, and I trust You. You’re my everything. 

dezmellish's avatar

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

One response to “Worthless. ”

  1. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    It’s starting to be normal to be going through the same things or having the same revelations as you lol
    But I read this and was like, I would’ve never know she felt that way! And I’ve been feeling the same. And it’s because I haven’t gotten that time alone with God, so everything else was just getting to me so much.
    I felt satan trying to get me the most actually with my attitude and amount of quality time spent with Lyrik. I even started thinking how much I would regret if yesterday was my last day with him 😦 but then I told myself TRUTH! His mercies are new everyday and I am given the gift of being able to make the most of today.
    My alone time with God on the way to work definitely gave me some clarity.
    Anyway…love you and love your musings ❤

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