Journal the Journey

In every season of life, through the mountains and valleys, God has always been faithful… and He always will be.

Redeemer. 

“Don’t you know I can redeem time?” He asks me, full of confidence in His abilities and love for me and with not a bit of condemnation in His voice. And suddenly the storm of condemnation I am drowning in begins to cease as I pause to listen more closely.

As the tears roll off my cheeks, I receive the invitation to surrender all the things I am mad at myself for not accomplishing and all the ways I fall short of being the person I think I should be. Oh how often my failures, shortcomings, and sin glare me in the face, accusing me and letting me know just how far I have to go. It’s like I’ve been running a race for so long that my feet are blistered and I am tired to my bones, thinking the finish line is just one more turn away… Only to make that turn and see that the finish line may never come because I am in a desert that seems to have no end. I feel hopeless to ever “arrive” at being that woman I envision myself being.

Desperate for help from Him, I accept the invitation to come surrender it all (the same invitation also extended to you in Matthew 11:28-30) and start going through each specific thing that keeps me frustrated and condemned. As I set my mind on one at a time, I hear Him: I can redeem it. Yes, I can redeem that, too. Yes, even that.

And in the arid desert land of frustration, hopelessness, and condemnation, Joy surfaces. The joy that comes from feeling free. I feel the raindrops begin to fall as I look up, thankful that yet again He has kept His promise to never leave or forsake me. Raindrops of hope. “Times of refreshing are coming. You don’t quit.”

The raindrops become more and more frequent until it’s as if the bottom bursts out of the clouds. The cracked, thirsty ground beneath my feet begins to look very differently as I feel my strength renewed and my eyes fixate on not what lies before me or behind but instead on the One who is with me. And I know, with all that’s within me I know, that this One who has began a good work in me will see it to completion. But each step of the way I must remember He isn’t the one doing the condemning and He isn’t the one getting frustrated with me. No, that’s me, listening to the lies of our enemy.

So I run, with my head held high. Because I know My Redeemer lives… And He loves me.

Fear not, for I AM with you; be not dismayed, for I AM your God; I WILL strengthen you, I WILL help you, I WILL uphold you with My righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

dezmellish's avatar

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dezmellish

I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been calling Birmingham, Alabama home since 2013. I’m happily married to the sweetest, most selfless man I’ve ever known. Prior to meeting and marrying him in 2021, I was a divorced mom to three daughters for 4 1/2 years. When I remarried, I gained a fourth daughter. On January 26, 2024, we lost my Dad. He had just turned 92 on January 6. He moved in with us the week after Joseph and I got married in October of 2021, and we had the honor of being his caregivers for the last 2 years and 3 months of his life. I currently work full-time as a Fitness Director at the most wonderful country club, where I also have a full load of personal training clients. This is a job I have enjoyed since 2019. Prior to entering the fitness industry, I was an elementary/middle school tutor. I have been a follower of Jesus Christ since I was a child. God showed me that He was real and that He loved me in powerful, unmistakeable ways during some very dark and difficult childhood years. As an adult, my theology has changed quite a bit. As life circumstances crushed me, I began holding all of the things I had been taught as a child, teenager, and young adult up to the light of scripture. As a result, I deconstructed my faith before deconstruction was really a thing, but never abandoned my faith in the process. After living through harmful teachings that were founded on misuse of scripture, I am passionate about the integrity of God’s Word. Nothing boils my blood quite like seeing scriptures used for selfish gain, abused, and taught out of their intended context. I have been journaling for 25 years. This is my space of the internet to share the ways God has been faithful to me as evidenced in my journals, as well as anything else that is placed on my heart to share. I hope you find something here that positively impacts you in some way. All are welcome here.

One response to “Redeemer. ”

  1. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    That was utterly beautiful. Beautiful.

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